“One of the worst ideas ever is to connect people to talk about each other, publicly yet anonymously. It’s sad and predictable that this kind of social media brings chaos and shame to communities of adolescents.”
No one seems to totally agree on when to allow social media. BUT there is a growing consensus about when to NOT ALLOW IT. Dr. Vivek Murthy, the former US Surgeon General, recommends delaying Social Media use (ADD LINK) until a child has at least finished middle school - he says age 13 is too young for social media. Social Psychologist Jonathan Haidt in his book The Anxious Generation (ADD LINK) says delay access until age 16. Common Sense Media says TikTok and Instagram are not age-appropriate until age 15, and Snapchat isn’t age appropriate until age 16. The American Pediatric Association (APA) - who did a big report on social media (ADD LINK) - is actually unwilling to take a stance because they are not even sure if there is an age after which kids can use social media safely.
We, at ScreenSense, agree that social media is not developmentally appropriate for elementary age children or middle schoolers. We recommend parents hold off until at least high school as a harm reduction strategy. Rolling it out must be taken very slowly and with the proper safeguards in place.
What is social media
Social media is the collection of apps and websites that kids and teens often use to connect, share, and explore. From posting photos and videos to messaging friends or following interests, these platforms have become a big part of how young people socialize today. While social media can offer creativity and perceived connection, it can also come with major challenges like distraction, pressure, or exposure to inappropriate content. Being informed helps parents guide their children safely in the digital world.
The harms
Mental Health Impacts
Increased anxiety and depression: heavy use is linked to higher rates of mood disorders, especially among girls.
Social comparison & low self-esteem: Teens often compare themselves to curated, unrealistic posts.
Addictive design: infinite scroll, likes, and notifications are engineered to keep teens scrolling and coming back for more.
Sleep Disruption
Late-night scrolling leads to less sleep and poorer sleep quality.
Notifications and fear of missing out (FOMO) make it hard to look away or “turn off”.
Sleep loss is tied to worse mental health, attention, and mood.
Exposure to Inappropriate Content
Violence, sexual content, hate speech, and harmful trends are widespread.
Algorithms often serve extreme content to boost engagement.
Parental controls are often inadequate.
Contact from Strangers
Direct messaging features can allow unwanted contact from bad-acting adults or peers.
Kids and teens are often targeted for scams, grooming, or harassment.
Social Pressure & Cyberbullying
Social media amplifies peer drama and exclusion.
Cyberbullying can happen 24/7 - with wider audiences and lasting effects.
Teens may feel pressure to maintain a “perfect” online persona.
Distraction & Academic Impacts
Constant notifications fragment attention and reduce quality study time.
Heavy social media use is linked to lower academic performance and attention problems.
Privacy & Digital Footprint
Personal information can be collected, shared, or misused.
Posts made in teen years can follow them into adulthood.
Delay social media. Period.
Protecting your child from the risks of social media starts with delaying their first exposure. Young brains are still developing, especially areas that control attention, impulse, and emotional regulation, and early access to highly engaging platforms can make it harder for them to focus on school, hobbies, and in-person friendships. Waiting also helps safeguard sleep and mental health, reducing risks of anxiety, depression, and negative body image. It allows children more time to build real-world skills and relationships through face-to-face interactions, creative play, and extracurricular activities. Delaying social media also minimizes early exposure to cyberbullying, peer pressure, and inappropriate content, while giving kids a chance to develop healthy digital habits. By waiting, parents help children enter social media when they are older and ready with the maturity and skills to navigate it safely and responsibly.
Reel in social media use.
So your child, tween or teen already uses social media. One app or maybe all of them. It’s okay - we can help you! If you are concerned about how your child is navigating social media apps and you want to make a change, it’s never too late to reel in social media use. Use these suggested safeguards to reel in use, reduce harm and reclaim your child’s time and attention for in real life hobbies, passions and connection.
Tackle One Issue at a Time
First identify what is problematic vs not (eg, sleep or time on TikTok)
Then focus on one area first.
Talk with your child about why the change is important—they’re more likely to cooperate when they understand.
Protect Sleep as the Top Priority
Set device-free routines at night.
Schedule WiFi or cell phone downtime, or take possession of devices if needed.
Verizon Family: Link
Sleep is the foundation for healthy habits.
Focus on apps that are particularly distracting or addictive.
Set a limit of ONE social media app and pick the one that is least problematic
Set Time Limits Using Parental Controls
Encourage Screen-Free Activities
Family meals, board games, outdoor time, hobbies, sports.
Be consistent, but not combative.
Lead by Example
Share your own struggles: “Here’s what I find hard about social media…”
Honesty builds trust and opens communication with your child.
Narrate your use
Cut back and set limits for yourself as needed to demonstrate how it’s done
Talk to your kids!
Have regular conversations with your tweens/teens!
Encourage reflection & know what they are doing online!
Considering social media.
We want you to delay access to social media. Every year you wait, you let your kids build the neuro connections and maturity needed to deal with all that comes with social media use. Psychologist Lisa Damour has some helpful reference points as you consider social media access: she advises that your child is only ready for social media when they have neurologically developed skepticism and when (metaphorically) you’d be ready for them to attend solo a wild unsupervised high school party where they’d have to navigate lots of tricky situations. Parents need to understand social media apps and the potential harms that come from misuse.
Exploring it together.
If you find that your middle schooler is feeling socially left out by not having access to Snapchat, Instagram or TikTok, you can find small ways to give your middle schooler a taste of social media content without it being a full-fledged account with unfettered access. You can explore TikTok together or let them play with Snapchat filters on your phone. You can create a private family Instagram account and create content together or let them “manage” the account. This will give them enough knowledge so they don’t feel completely clueless with peers and it buys you some time. It also helps you to understand how they want to use the app.
But what if - as a parent - you are someone who doesn’t use social media, AND you’ve reached the point where you’d like to let your child have access to it? You will need to roll up your sleeves and do some prep work to learn about the app(s) your child is asking for. Pick one app and try it out yourself. Maybe invite your child to join you while you play around with learning about it - they’ll be delighted and will feel validated! They may even teach you something! This is a great way to talk about some of the content you’re seeing together and provide some context or values around it. Keep in mind that your feed (content) as an adult won’t be the same as what your middle schooler might see. But this process will give you a good sense of how the app/platform works so you can make an informed decision about if and when to allow it.
Saying yes to social media…
When you do decide to allow access, you want to let the line out really s-l-o-w-l-y. The goal is to provide a long on-ramp where you’re coaching your child to develop a healthy, balanced, and intentional relationship with social media so that at one point they can manage it on their own. They have a lifetime to consume social media content so we want you to spend a lot of time introducing social media - talk about tech use, implement our suggested “seat-belts” or try out your own, regularly check in on how they’re using the app, and make course-corrections as needed. It’s messy ongoing work, but you’re the most qualified person to do this.
Understand the upsides & downsides
Social media is a mixed bag. You can't get the upsides without the downsides. And unfortunately the downsides are impacting childhood in irreparable ways. As a parent or caregiver in this digital age, it is your responsibility to know the downsides of any device, app or software you allow your child to use. Social media content is unregulated - unlike public television which must adhere to safety and age-appropriate standards.
We went to the experts - a group of teens who have access to the 4 apps we mentioned above. They gave us the upsides and downsides as consumers…not as parents!