Teaching Texting

Ever seen what a young kid’s text back to his older cousin looks like? 157 emojis of pizzas, poops, smiley faces and unicorns. While a teen’s texts might instead read like an encoded language we don’t understand. And maybe don’t want to! Either way, texting can either be wonderful or worrisome. 

At ScreenSense, we recommend delaying access to texting until it is a social necessity, ideally not before middle school. In the late elementary years you can begin to model/teach texting etiquette via a parent’s phone if your child shows their own interest. Starting to text with family members via a family device is a good way to keep a controlled small group of contacts and practice texting. Lessons on what to text, what not to text, when and how to respond are essential.

The art of texting

6 Steps to teach texting

Even if your child doesn't have their own phone yet, they may be texting friends with an iPad, iPod, or Apple Watch, so help them thrive as they set out on this exciting journey! Texting needs to be taught and practiced like any form of communication. Without skill, it can be misused, misunderstood and actually cause a great deal of unnecessary harm. Set your child up for success by offering proactive guidance if they are about to start texting or help them reel in group texting if it's causing distress and distraction!

Just like any form of communication, how to text needs to be learned (and practiced). First texters often get easily overwhelmed with group chats that go off the rails - with memes, GIFs, endless emojis, spamming and shared links. Texting can be a wonderful way to stay connected with friends. And it can be a harmful tool that can cause lasting results. Making this distinction and teaching kids how to respond when texting goes awry is a crucial part of allowing texting - whether on a personal or family device.

1. Go slowly and teach the basics when you roll it out. We recommend using the Let’s Talk about Texting Guide from Wait Until 8th (ADD LINK, see below). It outlines common obstacles and suggested ground rules - great for beginners! Print it out and with your child, read through it together. Think of it like “Driver’s Ed” for texting!

2. Set clear limits around when/where/how long texting is allowed per day. We always recommend starting with a trial period! Priority: protect sleep and make sure devices are off (and texting stops) at least 1 hr before your child’s bedtime.

3. Consider a trial period. Help your child craft initial messages and responses. Review messages together and discuss tone, wording, and what’s a good use of texting... maybe not being the one who constantly spams "hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi" or 💩💩💩!

4. Spot check occasionally. Be open that you’ll occasionally check their texts and remind them their friends’ parents are likely doing the same!  Check out this short article, "Should You Read Your Kid's Texts?". Reviewing texts together can work well and let them guide the conversation. 

5. Check in regularly and respond to tricky text situations without judgment. Our kids need to know that we are on their team and that they can come to us with anything. Don’t always jump in and get involved - but be prepared to get involved if you stumble upon content or texts that need an adult’s intervention. You can ask your child “Do you need me to get involved?” They may so no which is ok. If/when it escalates, they may at one point say yes. So just keep checking in!

6. Coach your child. Ask your child to reflect on how often they check their messages and whether texting is a disruption or asset to daily activities. Do different screen limits need to be put in place to help? Remember: it’s an iterative process with lots of trial and error!

4 Steps to Reel in Texting

Group texting gone awry? It’s never too late to dial it back.

1. Check in with other parents - do they want to reel things in together? This will make it easier!

2. Go back to the basics. Download and print out the Let’s Talk about Texting Guide from Wait Until 8th and talk through it with your child. It outlines common obstacles and suggested ground rules which can be a great "refresher" for more experienced texters. Got a savvy teen?  Ask them to review the guide and ask if it is missing anything!

3. Set clear limits around when/where/how long texting is allowed per day.

4. Check in regularly & coach child on tricky situations.

Make sure they know you’re on their team!

TIPS FROM A TEEN

“Hey!
I am a sophomore in high school.

I have been texting for a few years but I remember when I first started to text in 6th grade. It was really crazy. How I text with my friends now is SO much different. Here’s a list of what I wish I knew when I first started texting.”