Parenting an iPad

Start with: App Store disabled so no apps can be added. If parent wants to add a specific app, you can temporarily enable the App Store, download the one app, and then disable the App Store again.

When older: Enable the App Store with “Ask to buy” turned on so parent permission is needed in order to download a new app. This can sometimes be glitchy.

Delay as long as possible: Wide open access to the 1.8 million apps in the App Store. Only after much discussion about what types of apps support vs. derail a good life.

*Complication: once an app has been installed in the past, your child doesn’t have to ask to reinstall it in the future. So you can either tell your child not to redownload an app that you’ve removed (and then check their screen time data occasionally to make sure they aren’t using it - “trust but verify”) OR you can remove the app store so they can’t reinstall the app OR you can set a 1-minute time limit on that app.

Downtime is a helpful Screen Time setting for parents. Since you can only set up ONE window of time each day as the Downtime, here are some creative ways to use this tool:

No access to iPad except with parent permission: If you need to seriously dial back iPad use, you can set up downtime around the clock (e.g., from 8am-7:59am daily) so access to the iPad is disabled and only allowed with parent permission. You can also set exceptions for specific apps, so this feature is a good parenting tool if you need to dial back access to specific apps (e.g., YouTube) while retaining access to other apps (e.g., Duolingo).

One hour of access to iPad per day: Set up downtime for most of the day except one allotted window of time (e.g., downtime from 6pm-5pm daily would limit iPad access to one hour daily from 5-6pm)

iPad disabled overnight plus school hours: Set up downtime from, for example, 8pm-3pm so iPad is only accessible from 3-8pm. Can set exceptions for specific apps.

iPad disabled overnight: Set up an overnight downtime (e.g., from 8pm-8am) - hours can adjust as child gets older.

iPad always accessible: If you don’t set up Downtime, the iPad is accessible at all hours.

*Note: any of these can be customized by day of the week, so you can have different downtime schedules for weekdays vs weekends.

*Any Downtime restriction can be overridden with parent approval - meaning a child can request access to a specific app during Downtime, and the parent can then deny that request or grant access for either 15 minutes, 1 hour, or the rest of the day.

*Downtime disables access to all apps on the iPad or you can choose to allow access to select apps during Downtime.

*Even an overnight downtime should be paired with the habit of charging the iPad and any other devices outside the bedroom.

iPads are so sticky so it’s helpful to set time limits! Here are a few options:

Overall time limit: You can custom-set a time limit (e.g., 1 hour) for all apps, meaning the iPad is only usable for one hour total per day, regardless of which apps are used.

Genre time limit: You can custom-set a time limit for a genre of apps (e.g., 40 min total for video games)

App time limits: You can custom-set a time limit for a specific app (e.g., 20 min on YouTube).

These are tools that a person can set up and override at any time themselves. Do Not Disturb is a good tool to use during quiet/focus times. Teach your child when and how to use these tools, but know their usage can not be enforced.

Teach your child to turn off all notifications that aren’t from a human they know. When reviewing screen time data, you can see the number of daily notifications from which apps - this is helpful to review together and suggest adjustments.

You can remove both the camera and photo app from an iPad. You can also set time limits for either and/or set up a Downtime during which they aren’t accessible.

To have the most privacy: In Find My, “share my location” can be toggled off so your child’s location is not shared with anyone. Their location is only shared with themselves (meaning they can find their iPad from some other device if logged in with their Apple ID).

Less private option: In Find My, “share my location” is toggled on so your child may share their location with parents, friends, or really anyone they want via Find My.

*Find My is on by default and can not be disabled, but you can toggle on or off whether their location is shared. 

*You can ring an alarm through Find My if your child can’t find their iPad, or you need their attention swiftly in an emergency situation.

• Calendar

• Weather

• Calculator

• Maps

• Clock

• Sports scheduling apps like Team Snap

• Job logistics apps like HomeBase

• School apps like Canvas and Google Classroom may be necessary for school.

Facetime audio/video calls to other Apple device users is possible via iCloud accounts when on wifi. Facetime can be removed or limited.

Remember: iPads are basically GIANT iPhones.

Texting often starts on an iPad/tablet and can quickly turn into more requests to connect with others. Group texting can overwhelm kids AND parents so be aware and proactive. 

For more help on navigating early texting and how to reel in group texting gone awry, visit Teaching Texting. 

You cannot disable texting on an iPad. You can, however, set a time limit and/or Downtime for texting. See above for how to use those features.

Here are a few ways to handle Internet browsing on an iPad:

No Internet access: You can block internet access by removing Safari (and any other internet browser apps) and removing the App Store.

Internet access with time limits: You can set a daily time limit for an internet browser like Safari (e.g., 20 min/day) and you can also set up a Downtime during which it won’t be accessible.

Select websites only: You can allow Safari BUT limit it to a shortlist of websites you specify.

Block certain websites: You can allow Safari BUT block select websites like YouTube.com and TikTok.com. Most apps have internet versions so an internet browser can be a backdoor to apps you’re trying to block.

Limit mature content: If you allow Safari, you should toggle on “limit adult content” to imperfectly block sensitive content while web browsing via Safari.

*Note that a child can download other web browsers (e.g., Chrome, Google, Firefox) if they have access to the App Store. It’s best to confine Internet browsing to Safari on an iPad since it has some built-in filter options.

*Incognito browser: Turning on “limit adult content” disables incognito browsing on Safari. There’s no way to reliably disable it on other browsers.

You can disable Siri if you want to prohibit access to the Internet by voice command searches. Or you can enable Siri - which means your child can ask Siri to look things up on the web even if they have web browsing disabled.

*Siri only provides limited web functionality so enabling Siri is one way to allow a little bit of Internet access.

TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, oh my! Here are some considerations:

No social media apps: We recommend delaying social media until age 16, and reeling it in anytime it’s feeling problematic. You can remove social media apps from an iPad, and then remove the App Store and Internet browsers (to avoid work-arounds).

Limited social media apps: You can help your teen pick one social media app to have at a time. And/or you can set a total time limit for all social media apps OR for select social media apps (e.g., 20 min daily limit for Instagram). You can also set up Downtime so access to all apps, including social media, is only allowed during a certain window each day. Another tactic is to work with your teen to install an app to help them set their own limits - such as Clearspace, Freedom, or Be Present.

*Social media platforms are accessible via apps and any internet browser

*Complication: once an app has been installed in the past, your child doesn’t have to ask to reinstall it in the future. So if you remove a social media app that is problematic for your child, they can reinstall it anytime if they have access to the App Store on their iPad. So you can either tell your child not to redownload an app that you’ve removed (and then check their screen time data occasionally to make sure they aren’t using it - “trust but verify”) OR you can remove the app store so they can’t reinstall the app OR you can set a 1-minute time limit on that app.

A lot of families struggle with YouTube since it’s so tempting and sticky. Here are a few options:

No YouTube app on iPad. If this is your goal, you need to remove the YouTube app and disable the App store (so it can’t be reinstalled). Then you need to either remove Safari and any other web browsers on the iPad (since YouTube is accessible there) OR allow only Safari but type in “youtube.com” where you can list websites never allowed.

Allow YouTube app with time limits: You can allow the YouTube app and set a time limit by day of the week. To avoid additional access outside the app, see above about removing the App Store and adjusting Safari access. You can also set up Downtime on the iPad so access to all apps, including YouTube, is only allowed during a certain window each day.

Allow YouTube by Internet access (but not the app) with time limits: In this case, you’d remove the YouTube app and disable the App store (so it can’t be reinstalled). You’d allow Safari internet access but have your child download the ReDD app to customize their YouTube experience so it’s less distracting. You can then set a time limit for Safari. You can also set up Downtime on the iPad so access to all apps, including Safari, is only allowed during a certain window each day.

*YouTube is accessible via the YouTube app or any internet browser

*Complication: once an app has been installed in the past, your child doesn’t have to ask to reinstall it in the future. So if you delete YouTube from your child’s iPad, they can reinstall it anytime if they have access to the App Store on their iPad. So you can either tell your child not to redownload YouTube (and then check their screen time data occasionally to make sure they aren’t using it - “trust but verify”) OR you can remove the app store so they can’t reinstall it OR you can set a 1-minute time limit on the YouTube app.

There are a few possible ways to navigate video games on an iPad:

No video games on the iPad: In this case, you would remove any games and then disable the App Store and Safari to avoid work-arounds.

Add select games after due diligence and careful consideration (ESRB is a helpful resource): If you have removed the App Store, you can enable the App Store temporarily, add the video game app you are ok with, and then remove the App Store again. Or you can turn on “ask to buy” to get permission before allowing any new apps, including video games.

Video games with time limits: You can set a time limit for “all games” OR for select game apps. You can also set up Downtime so access to all apps, including video games, is only allowed during a certain window each day.

*Video games are accessible via apps and any internet browser

*Complication: once an app has been installed in the past, your child doesn’t have to ask to reinstall it in the future. So if you delete a video game that is problematic for your child, they can reinstall it anytime if they have access to the App Store on their iPad. So you can either tell your child not to redownload an app that you’ve removed (and then check their screen time data occasionally to make sure they aren’t using it - “trust but verify”) OR you can remove the app store so they can’t reinstall the app OR you can set a 1-minute time limit on that app.

There are many apps for streaming music, including Apple Music, Amazon, Spotify, and Pandora. A major issue for parents is that some music platforms like Spotify now stream videos and other content to be more like social media. For example, do a search on Spotify for Mr. Beast!

Your choices include:

Remove all music streaming apps from the iPhone (and then remove the App store and Safari to avoid work-arounds). In this case, find another way to stream music like a Mighty.

Enable music streaming apps but check app settings for any available content filters. You can also set a time limit and/or set up Downtime during which music won’t be accessible.

*Music is available via any internet browser

*If you allow Spotify, talk to your child about what they’re allowed to do on the music platform. If your child misuses Spotify, you can try Pandora instead. 

*Complication: once an app has been installed in the past, your child doesn’t have to ask to reinstall it in the future. So if you delete a music app like Spotify that is problematic for your child, they can reinstall it anytime if they have access to the App Store on their iPad. So you can either tell your child not to redownload an app that you’ve removed (and then check their screen time data occasionally to make sure they aren’t using it - “trust but verify”) OR you can remove the app store so they can’t reinstall the app OR you can set a 1-minute time limit on that app.

Content matters. Set up an iPad with only carefully selected content apps. You can install certain apps temporarily (e.g., for travel) and then remove them afterwards, as long as you then remove the App Store again.

When you’re ready to give more access to a specific app, content or feature, add them slowly, one at a time. As you add apps and features, regularly check in and review your child’s screen time usage, making adjustments as needed to promote safe and balanced use. Teach your child to critically evaluate anything added to their iPad - how “sticky” is the design? Is it serving them well or displacing other more important activities? As you together reflect on their use and make adjustments accordingly, they are on their way to healthy tech use! Remember, our ultimate goal is to raise kids to be critical consumers of digital tech.

For some families, the iPad is the family TV. Regardless, there are a few possible ways to handle access to TV and movies on an iPad:

No TV/movie platforms on the iPad: There’s no good reason for your kid’s iPad to be a TV on a daily basis unless the iPad IS your family’s TV. You can instead confine TV/movies to a less portable device at home. In this case, you would remove any streaming apps (Netflix, Disney+, Prime Video, Apple TV, etc) and then disable the App Store and Safari to avoid work-arounds.

Add TVs/movies temporarily - e.g., for a long flight: If you have removed the App Store, you can enable the App Store temporarily, add the streaming platform, and then remove the App Store again. After the flight, you can delete the app again.

TV/movies with time limits: You can set a time limit for “all entertainment” OR for select apps like Netflix. You can also set up Downtime so access to all apps, including streaming platforms, is only allowed during a certain window each day.

*TV/movies are accessible via apps and any internet browser

*Complication: once an app has been installed in the past, your child doesn’t have to ask to reinstall it in the future. So if you delete an app that is problematic for your child, they can reinstall it anytime if they have access to the App Store on their phone. So you can either tell your child not to redownload an app that you’ve removed (and then check their screen time data occasionally to make sure they aren’t using it - “trust but verify”) OR you can remove the app store so they can’t reinstall the app OR you can set a 1-minute time limit on that app.

Online shops, digital thrift stores, and sales are all trying to get your child’s attention. This isn’t typically a huge issue, but it’s good to share your values on consumerism since it’s so easy to buy things online with an iPad. Here are some options if you have an overconsumer:

No shopping apps: You can remove any shopping apps from an iPad, and then remove the App Store and Internet browsers (to avoid work-arounds).

Limited shopping time: You can set a total time limit for all shopping apps OR for select shopping apps (e.g., 20 min limit for Amazon). You can also set up Downtime so access to all apps, including shopping apps, is only allowed during a certain window each day.

*Shopping is accessible via apps and any internet browser

ChatGPT is accessible via its app or any Internet browser. If you don’t want to allow ChatGPT, you can remove the app from the iPad, and then also remove the App store and Internet web browser to avoid work-arounds.

Alternatively, you could choose to allow ChatGPT with a time limit and/or Downtime schedule.

E-books, audiobooks, and podcasts are available via apps and any internet browser. They are also available via public libraries. You can remove the apps if you’d prefer (in which case you’d also want to remove Safari and the App Store). If you allow them, you can restrict access to age-appropriate levels of content that you select. You can also set time limits or set up a Downtime during which they will be inaccessible.

You can allow or disable email access on an iPad. But note that most email is also available on an internet browser. If you choose to set up email, you can set a time limit or make it inaccessible during Downtime.

We recommend occasionally reviewing your child’s email with them and coaching them to unsubscribe from marketing emails, teaching them how to identify spam and scams, and coaching them to respond to emails from coaches and teachers or other adults they know who are trying to communicate with them.

We said parenting an iPad requires a high level of continued vigilance and ongoing fortitude. Remember? Here are the iPad watch-outs to keep top of mind:

1. Screentime - Apple’s parental controls - are not always reliable.  sometimes they get reset unexpectedly and stop working, especially after iOS updates. You have to stay vigilant and occasionally check they are still working.

2. Apple is often updating its iOS and launching new features and gimmicks. iOS updates can change/impact your parental controls without you knowing it. So be aware that the iPad you hand over to your child today may get unwanted updates down the road. 

3. If you are re-purposing an old iPad, you may encounter a time when iOS updates stop working and then certain features like the parental controls stop working.

4. Now there are “hidden folders” where someone can hide apps. Savvy kids know this. Yay, thank you, Apple!

5. Apps and the App Store: Once an app has been downloaded to your child’s iPad, even if you remove it, they can re-download it anytime without your permission. This can be a major issue for parents, so think carefully about any apps you add to your child’s iPad. The only way to prevent unwanted re-downloads is to remove the App Store. If you don’t want to remove the App Store, another option is to set a one-minute time limit on the app.

6. Keep your Screen Time passcode private! Make sure it isn’t a known passcode and is not shared with or seen by your child. Kids are pretty clever so assume they may go to great lengths to figure it out! Some kids figure out other workarounds to bypass Screen Time settings, so keep an eye on their screen time data to find discrepancies from what you expect to see.